Speechless
Dressed in words
Moving in sentences
Smiling with punctuations
Emotions defining my grammar
Using words like a hammer
To punch in glamour
Oxymoron
Dictations
To make the ramification of action through conjugation
For the indication of a situation, made under implication of
Lingo
Words
Speech
That comes to define me
As I dress myself in words
Move in sentences
Smile with punctuations
Emotions defining my sense of grammar
As I try to hammer
Through pain, hurt and ignorance
Glamour
They think they know me
They question my actions
Before they ask me my intentions
They laugh before I joke
They answer before I ask
They stand before I rise
They run before I get up
They sit before I rest
And through their rumors making me feel like an ox
As I try to fix things and later end up the moron
Patients with anger
Hating with love
Smiling with tears
Screaming in whispers
I feel like an oxymoron
As I try to do things for Allah and no other
I have rumors surrounding me
From my own sister, to my own brother
Sometimes I think I should not bother
Give up?
They tell me I am not perfect
As if somehow my own reflection is trying to fool me
And so through their words, assumptions, lies, rumours, they want to school me
Do they think I look at myself in perfection and thus it would sooth me?
Do they think I don’t question my action and thus it wouldn’t worry me?
Give up?
They are in awe that someone with problems wants to aid others
Even though not liked by some sisters
And definitely by most brothers
They are in awe that someone so far from perfection can even have such an ideal image as her goal
And so dignity they stole, respect they implore and authority they abhor
Give up?
They watch me hard, waiting for me to slip up
And if I don’t, through rumors got me trippin’ up
So, do I give up?
Thoughts circle my mind
Sometimes in shame, sadness and anger
Other times in disappointment, fatigue and hurt
Sometimes my own thought is a stranger
Lurking inside me, before I can grab hold and rationalize
So I stare into eyes, full of lies and disguise truth and watch the demise
Of intentions built with tawakul and love for a Lord So Great
As we work to have youth love the mu2minuns fate
Give up?
I try to step into lives of women so beautiful
Working to be perfect worshipers, they were so dutiful
With patience, love and tawakul they were so wonderful
As they triumphed through rumors, castigation, threats and pain, they were so faithful
From Mariam Um Isa, to Asiya wife of Phur’on, to Aisha bint Abubaker
Give up?
They didn’t, so why should I?
I know rumours, wrong choice of words
Make me cry
But give up?
Why should I?
Serve the deen of the Most High
Until I die
I might not be perfect
Might not have the intellect
As I dress myself in words
Move in sentences
Smile with punctuations
Emotions defining my sense of grammar
As I try to hammer
Glamour
Lies, deceit, reminiscing defeat
Rumors, unfound hate
Criticize before one can appreciate
As I dress myself in words and ask for guidance from the Most High
Move in sentences and make duaa as tears form in my eyes
Smile in punctuations and pray the shahada leaves my lips before I die
Emotions defining my sense of grammar and imagine relief come by
In the form of Jannah and the pleasure of the Most Merciful
As I pray to be, beautiful, wonderful, dutiful and faithful
And never give up
InshaAllah
